 | Never agree to get married on a Saturday Ohio State is scheduled to play football. There are typically 40 other freakin' weekends to choose from...sack up and make her choose one of those! |
| Never attend a wedding during an Ohio State football game unless you carry a TV......and watch it even during the ceremony. |
| Get your picture taken with Brutus Buckeye at least once in your lifetime! |
| It is OK to wear an OSU football jersey even when old....and
fat....and bald. Extra points if you've got an OSU baseball cap on backwards, sit in the "Huntington Club" seats and repeatedly spill
stuff on anyone named "Chas" or "Muffy." (Make sure you do so early and often because they'll be long gone by the end of the third period). Maybe some "real" fans will take their seats. |
| Always, and I mean ALWAYS, return any "O...H" with a hearty "I...O." This is true even during funerals, sex, in foreign countries or when witnessing the birth of your child. |
| When driving on I-75 during spring break season (March through
April), every fifth vehicle you see with Michigan license plates should be honked at then flipped off. By Tennessee, even those dumb
SOB's should get the point. |
| When Notre Dame plays Michigan, it is mandatory to despise both
teams. There are no winners. |
| You cannot have a second favorite football team behind OSU. You are
permitted to have another team (non-Big Ten or ND) that you hate less
than the others. |
| It is OK to be emotional (and even "tear" up) during the following:
-Script Ohio
-Your child's first Buckeye game
-Carmen Ohio
-During a Tressel speech
-Listening to "What I Want"
-Remembering Woody
-After beating Michigan
-Winning the National Championship
-When NFL Buckeyes state on MNF that they are from "THE" Ohio State
University.
-Hearing the phrase, "Rest easy Woody, the new man has arrived."
Ramp entrance |
| It is not cool to make fun of the Neutron Man. Especially now that
he is watching games with Woody. |
| Buckeye necklaces must be worn at all times on game day from the
time you leave your place of abode until you return. One other time:
If you happen to get desperate and are in the process of bagging a
girl from Michigan, you must have on your Buckeye necklace to ward
off any feelings of affection. (This is true even if you go over to
the dark side and marry her). |
| Always take off your hat during Carmen Ohio and physically remove the hats of anyone in your vicinity who fails to do so. |
| Everyone should rush the field after an OSU home victory over
Michigan at least once in their lifetime. (Extra kudos for those of
you who rushed the field at IU and tore down THEIR goalposts a few
years ago...c'mon you know who you are!). |
| Once your children attain age ten, they should be allowed to say "F"
Michigan but only during game day in your presence.
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| Attending Skull Session is mandatory at least once each season. |
| When you die, you must have at least one item of Buckeye memorabilia
with you. (Specify which one in your will, that way your spouse won't
pick something stupid). |
| You must be willing to die to defend your right to drink beer during
tailgates. |
| You are forbidden to fall for the National Media crap sandwich that Joe Pa is still a "good guy." In reality, he is a bitter, senile old man reduced to a cheerleader and referee-baitor. His credibility went south forever when he hired Galen "Cheatin" Hall to resurrect his sorry football program. (Update: The Sandusky coverup sealed the deal.) |
| Recruiting must be followed as intensely as any game. This is true even if it puts your job/career at risk. |
| Attend the Spring Game. It makes it easier to survive the summer. |
| When in church, it is not sacrilegious to count being a Buckeye as
one of your blessings. |
| Try to never boo a former or current Buckeye football player. |
| Correct anyone who doesn't refer to OSU as "THE" Ohio State
University. If they argue with you over what they think to be a
nit-picky point, you are free to kick their a$$. |
| When making fun of guys in marching bands always caveat your
comments with a statement that, regardless of what you just said,
anyone in TBDBITL is very cool. |
| Admit that secretly, you wished you played tuba and could dot the "i." You'd even be willing to put on a few dozen pounds to look the
part. |
| You would not trade the opportunity to swill beer while listening to The Danger Brothers after an OSU victory over Michigan for tickets to any rock band that has ever existed. |
| It is important to consider the "good old days" ARE NOW. Enjoy them even when OSU doesn't win the NC. |
| Scarlet and Gray always works. Maize and Blue is always wrong. Period. |
| Drinking alcohol before 9:00 A.M. is, at best, immature, and likeky, a sign of a serious problem. Except on game day. |
| It is never ok to talk to a stranger at the urinal next to you
unless he is dressed in OSU garb. That said, the topic should be limited to Buckeye football. |
| There are no bad seats in The Shoe. |
| If you attend a game at Wisconsin, you must never engage in "Jump Around" at the end of the third quarter no matter how tempting. Also, never, and I mean never, take your kids to a Wisconsin game unless
you want to explain why everyone there are drunken jerks. |
| If your wife asks you what was the greatest night of your life,
admit the truth that it was January 3, 2003. Sex isn't as important
or rewarding as that NC. |
| Plant a Buckeye tree in your yard. |
| Hang a Buckeye flag on game day. If any of your neighbors counter
with a Michigan flag, it is your solemn duty to tear it down and
deface it anyway you see fit. |
| It is "ok" to not get the drum major thing; it is "not ok" to fail
to cheer when the plume touches the field. |
| Be thankful beer is not sold during the game. It leaves more room for Lane Ave. |
| In honor of Woody, the principle of "paying forward" should be
practiced at all times by all Buckeyes. |
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